Back in your box
Man, that was painful. He might not be in the best of health, but Steve Jobs just got up on stage and delivered some slaps to the competition.
The bloke didn't even seem that bothered about the product, he just wanted to humiliate the opposition. "Nice try boys, now look what we can do without even breaking a sweat," he seemed to say.
Because it's not like there were tons of new things. Coming up with a dual-core chip just a year after getting into the chip market was a pretty good effort. But we all know Apple will have got loads of help from a couple of English companies on that one, who basically don't need any other customers now.
Cameras have been possible for years, and most people I've spoken to reckon Apple deliberately kept them out of the first iPad just to have a few more cards up its sleeve. Other than that it was just window dressing like a new cover.
But the two things that have wrecked the heads of the competition the most seem to be that the iPad 2 is 33 percent thinner and that it costs the same as the old one. I reckon the reason this is a big deal is that most people are going to buy tablets from shops. They'll go in there and the two things that will hit them first will be looks and price. If Apple's kicking everyone else's arse on those two, then its game over already mate. Thanks for coming, see you much later.
Most people reckon Apple could've crammed more features into this version, but the fact is it didn't need to. Judging by the problems it's already causing Motorola and Samsung, thinner was enough. It's like some bird who's gone on a diet to show up her mates, only to find they've gone on an even bigger one. She shows up in a slinky black number and they show up in hot pants. Game over.
So the Android, BlackBerry and HP (well spotted on my last one) boys got told. It reminds me of that bit in Good Will Hunting when Matt Damon not only humiliated that ponytailed twat intellectually, he got the bird too. Owned. And just to make the comparison even more perfect, what does he say to the bloke once he's got her number? "How do you like them apples?" Too good.
By the way, I know I said we should all stop banging on about tablets last week, but it's not my fault if that was the only news since then is it? While I'm obviously going to buy the iPad 2 as soon as it comes out, because the amount of action I'll get on the tube from carrying one is worth the dosh by itself, I don't want you to think I'm some Apple fanboy, or however you spell it.
So here's a really funny video clip made by some bloke called Conan the Barbarian, taking the piss out of Apple's marketing. See you later.