Grease monkeys, chains and terrified PR reps...
For many years, Reuben has been the ‘invisible’ partner to the HEXUS team. Many people have never understood Reuben’s role within HEXUS not realising, to their detriment, how powerfully persuasive he could be.
The last few months saw Reuben taking an increasingly more open role in HEXUS. No longer the ‘silent man’ working behind the scenes, Reuben overcame his severe agoraphobia and, combining that with his questionable sexual tastes, he ‘outed’ himself into the public eye.
Perhaps Reuben’s most notable achievement, amongst many infamous and notorious escapades, was his conversion of a 15th century Germanic tower into what could only be described as a terrifying mix of Gothic charm and greased sadistic depravity.
Those who were there that night as Reuben went to work with his truck batteries, industrial grease pump and soiled lederhosen can still hear the screams of the bullshitting PR reps thrown to his merciless clutches.
Yes, it is true that even HEXUS staff were given over to Reuben’s less than tender care but this practise was discontinued after a baffled Reuben was voluntarily visited ‘for sloppy seconds’ once the HEXUS staff member in question had a chance to blow dry their hair.
Reuben then focused his frankly bewildering talents on PR guys and gals once again, pursuing his targets with renewed vigour until his sudden and mysterious disappearance earlier this month. Some say he was in the Far East, following in the footsteps of Holy men on a path to true enlightenment. Other less charitable folk and the victims of his attentions say he’d left HEXUS to follow the fabled ‘Glitter Trail’.
It is not known quite how he escaped from the cupboard that was his home… perhaps he was freed by misguided but well meaning animal rights activists. It is also not know who ‘Arby’ is, but it’s obvious from the vicious revenge he has exacted upon Reuben that Arby feels himself justified… Now, finally, we can now reveal where Reuben’s poor soul rests…may he find peace and satiate the hunger others feel...
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Fatal1ty with Reuben...
